Altschmerz
by AlwaysBlunt
Summary: The BAU thought that they could relax when the pursuit for Peter Lewis ended. However, what happens when Jennifer Jareau is the next Unsub's ultimate target? The team find themselves searching for answers and end up digging up secrets that JJ thought she had buried long ago. Features the original team, as well as appearances from more recent characters. Trigger warnings inside.
1. Prologue

**Hi everyone! So this is my first fanfiction in a long time. I'm planning to continue my other fic, "Weightless" soon, after over two years. I just need to look through my old notes for it. My writing has improved so much since then, and I hope you guys enjoy this fic I have to share. I don't know where the idea came from other than my own struggle with mental illness, but I became very excited to start writing straight away.**

**This story is set around season 13, so episode 200 has happened, JJ has already had Michael, and Mr. Scratch has been caught. However for my own comfort, the team is still Hotch, Morgan, Emily, Reid, Rossi, JJ and Garcia. I love Tara, Matt and Luke, but you can't beat the old team!**

**Trigger Warnings – mentions of various mental illnesses – including eating disorders and their thought processes (anorexia), substance abuse, very brief mentions of child abuse, very strong language in later chapters. I will try to update the trigger warnings as I get further along with writing. _Please_ do not continue reading past this chapter especially if you are triggered by detailed descriptions of eating disorders. **

**Please favourite, follow and review! It means so much to me and motivates me to keep writing!**

* * *

The dimly-lit room was quiet apart from the sound of the thundering rain outside, and the occasional breath that escaped a team member's mouth.

No one was brave enough to take a step forward – to utter a word to the person who held a gun to their blonde friend's temple. They knew what their duty was; to talk the Unsub down – convince them that what they were doing would not help the current situation. For God's sake, they had done it thousands of times before. But all they did was stare.

JJ didn't seem present despite her life being at immediate risk. Her pale, frail figure slumped against the broad body of the man behind her. Beads of sweat rolled down her flushed cheeks and her once bright blue eyes appeared glazed over, her mind elsewhere. The only thing keeping her eyes alight was the reflection of the hanging lightbulb above her, swaying back and forth...back and forth. The team sweared it was taunting them.

The eyes of the man responsible for the entire scene darted around the room, analysing the faces of each of the armed agents in front of him. He smiled cruelly when his eyes met those of the brown-haired female agent. Her dark eyes seemed to encompass only anger and hatred when compared to the concerned, fearful eyes of the strongly built, dark-skinned agent and the younger man with unruly mousy-brown hair. She subconsciously shifted her stance when she noticed his eyes flicker towards her. She moved her fingers to grasp her gun tighter, her knuckles turning white.

Emily took in the scene in front of her. One of the man's strong arms was casually slung over his hostage's shoulder, while the other aggressively reinforced the pressure of the shotgun held against her temple. They had been after this guy for over two months. On agreeing to work this case, the team never suspected that it would take such a dark, twisted turn – that one of their very own was the Unsub's endgame. Her eyes gravitated to her friend and her heart ached at how sick she looked. The last time she had seen her, JJ had been on her A-game. She had recently started studying in order to specialise in crimes relating to mental illness. The team had guessed that it was her sister, Rosaline, that had inspired her to choose such a topic, but were happy for their friend that she had found something she felt so passionately about. She had also taken the initiative to begin coaching Henry's soccer team and was always gushing over how proud she was that her little man was "following in his Mama's footsteps."

Emily bit her lip as she recalled a moment just a few days prior to her blonde friend's abduction.

_Her and JJ had been sharing a room at a small hotel in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania while they investigated the case involving the murders of six people. JJ had been on edge the moment the jet landed, and the team knew very well why. Their friend and fellow co-worker hated being near her hometown. It only served as a key to bring back the bad memories regarding her childhood and adolescence that had been locked away long ago. The team guessed that it was only to do with her sister, and the apparent strained relationship between JJ and her mother, Sandy. However, It was clear to some members of the team that there were elements of the story that were missing, but they were never in the position to ask for more information. JJ had always been secretive, and they knew that questioning her would only serve to push her away._

_Emily pictured herself and JJ, sitting on the double bed that that they had to share due to a shortage of available twin rooms. She recalled how tired everyone was – especially JJ. They had been working the case for over three weeks and had made little progress. All they had was an understanding of the Unsub's victim profile. This guy – whoever he was – was good at keeping evidence to a minimum. After another long day working from the local police station, they tucked into a takeaway margarita pizza as they childishly played a game of truth or dare. The brunette had suggested it in hopes that it would take JJ's mind off of everything, even if it was just for a few moments. Emily had started off easily by asking the blonde to tell her something that she didn't already know about her. _

_JJ had sat there, silently eating her slice of pizza and thinking of something suitable to confess to Emily. She tucked her long hair behind her ear as a grin appeared on her face. _

"_Yah know Emily," she took another bite of the pizza, "you might become a Godmother after all." Her blue eyes looked up to meet the shocked look of her best friend._

_The brunette quickly launched herself at JJ, nearly crushing her in a bear-hug. Emily pulled back._

"_Are you serious Jayje? Because I might just cry if you lied to me!" she shrieked, clearly joking about the latter._

_The blonde nodded, as she resumed to eating the slice of pizza that had been catapulted across to the opposite side of the bed._

"_Will and I talked about it, and we agreed that we both want one more child – we're just trying now so it's not official...but yeah, I want you to be the Godmother if things work out." A cheeky grin appeared on her face, "so long as you're okay with Aaron being the Godfather."_

_Emily lightly hit JJ's arm. Her face began to flush bright red,"o-of course that's okay with me! We'll just argue about who gets to take our Goddaughter or Godson on day trips on our weekends off, or who they love more – and it'll obviously be me!" _

_JJ laughed at her friend, "yeah, yeah, you and I both know that you looooooove Hotch!"_

_Before JJ knew it, a pillow was thrown in her direction and narrowly missed her face. Though it did send the crust of her slice of pizza flying across the bed once again. She raised an eyebrow at a clearly embarrassed Emily, before quickly reciprocating with the throw of another pillow with such strength that Emily nearly fell backwards off the bed. The blonde burst into a fit of laughter._

"_Do you really think you're going to win a pillow fight Em'?" She dramatically winked at the brunette, her face showing nothing but mischief. "Another thing that you and I both know is that I never back down from a fight!"_

However, now JJ was too weak to put up a fight. Her instincts screamed at her to elbow her captor where it would really hurt, but for some reason she couldn't make her body move. All she could think about was how cold she felt. Shivers travelled up her spine causing her to visibly shake and her teeth continued chattering, just like they had for what felt like forever and a day at this stage. All she had to provide her with warmth was the rough, scratchy material of a white nightgown, which was adorned with mint green polka dots. It reminded JJ of an all-too-familiar hospital gown.

Hotch was the first agent to speak. He took a step forward, holstered his weapon and raised his hands.

"Patrick, I know what happened with your brother Seán." His voice masked just how nervous he was. He face remained stoic but nothing could hide the slight shake of his hands.

Patrick's smile was quickly replaced with a look of anger and disbelief.

"You don't know anything!" JJ whimpered as the barrel of the gun was pushed harder against her head.

Hotch nodded curtly, "I know how much he tore your family apart. He would disappear for days on end, making you and your parents worried sick, and would eventually return to your doorstep clearly high on heroine. Your parents were forced to sell the house in order to continue paying for his third admission to rehab, and you were forced to move to a public school because they could no longer afford to pay for private tuition."

Patrick's eyes narrowed as he recalled his twin brother. Hotch continued, "You were bullied in your new school. Your parents divorced after your brother was found dead outside the local hospital. He had overdosed on heroine and his death was ruled a suicide."

The Unit Chief's stomach churned when he didn't fail to observe the brief look of joy that flashed across the face of the man in front of him. "You and I both know Patrick that Seán did not end his own life."

Patrick's green eyes closed and he began to shake his head in anger as images appeared in his head of his brother, begging him not to inject him with a lethal dose of the drug. His feet shifted beneath him and Hotch noticed that he loosened his hold on JJ slightly.

"He ruined my life! Just like she -" he roughly pulled JJ even closer to him and readjusted his hold of the gun he was holding. "Just like she ruined her family's life! They didn't deserve anything she did to them! I'm sure they'd agree that she brings nothing but misery into their lives. She. Deserves. To. Die!"

Hotch shook his head, his harsh gaze never faltered, "Killing Seán didn't help your family Patrick. Your parents divorced, your father was found dead in his new apartment three months later – he drank himself to death. And your mother – she attended weekly therapy sessions for years after their deaths. Killing Agent Jareau will not help her family, just like it did not help yours. If anything, it will only cause more pain and suffering. You don't want to be the cause of that, do you?"

"No. No. No," Patrick began to quickly shake his head, the black hood of his sweater falling down to reveal his head of messy red hair. "I didn't cause any suffering! I was trying to help those people! I wanted to help those families! They should thank me for what I did for them!"

Suddenly, his brow furrowed and his fore-finger quickly moved to land on the trigger of the shotgun.

The sound of a two gunshots echoed around the room.

Two bodies fell to the floor.

The remaining four agents behind Hotch lowered their guns in disbelief.

It was over.


	2. Wheels Up

_***Edit* - I just fixed some grammar mistakes. I finished writing this chapter at 2am this morning so I'm not surprised at how many errors there were *facepalm*. If you notice anymore, don't be afraid to tell me haha - it saves me the embarrassment of finding them later.**_

**Here's the _official_ first chapter, which takes us back to when this whole case began. I had to do quite a bit of research for this chapter and it made me realise just how bad at Geography I am. I apologise for any mistakes in place names, distances, time lines etc – the sole thing I had to rely on for help was good-ol' Google Maps!**

**Thank you for the follows and reviews from the last chapter! ****I hope you enjoy this one too :)**

* * *

_*Nearly two months earlier* _

It was a rainy Monday morning and the team was tired. Though it had been over three weeks since the hunt for Peter Lewis ended, the high intensity of the past few months had really taken its toll on each member of the Behavioural Analysis Unit.

The office was quiet. It was the team's first day back after the director awarded them some time off to recuperate after the stressful year. The only things that disturbed the silence were the occasional turn of a piece of paper, the click of a pen, or the sound of the elevator doors opening with a resounding "ding". Everyone was seated at their desks working on their – rather large – pile of reports that had been steadily growing as the weeks passed by. Reid was (of course) nearly finished with his workload, however every time he returned from the kitchenette or bathroom, he had an extra two or three files on his desk. He decided to ignore the not-so discrete cheeky grins on Morgan and Emily's faces, and each time with a sigh, chose to continue writing without saying a word.

JJ watched as, for the third time that morning, a file was slipped into the pile that sat on the edge of Spence's desk. She chuckled when she realised that the one and only David Rossi had decided to join in on her coworkers' game. He turned to face the blonde and slowly brought a finger to his lips when he noticed the "boy genius" returning with another giant mug of coffee. Nobody dared to ask anymore how many teaspoons of sugar had been mixed in to his "caffeinated goodness", as Garcia called it. JJ spun around in her office chair to face her best friend;

"Hey Spence, Dave here thought that he would be oh-so-nice and add another report to your pile!"

"Reid don't believe her, she's lying!" The senior profiler quickly retorted, his face adopting a fake look of innocence.

"Well Rossi, the last time I checked I had exactly eleven files left to do, and now-" his eyes flicked over to his desk just in time to witness Emily adding yet another to the top of the stack, "- there's twe-thirteen."

"Darn." Rossi turned to face JJ, who sported a wide, mischievous grin. He raised a finger and shook it, pretending to give out to her, "next time, Jen, remind me never to trust you with a secret!"

The blonde agent shrugged and tucked a stray piece of her long hair behind her ear.

"Suit yourself Dave. But, just so you know, I'm actually _very _good at keeping secrets."

She finished her statement with a wink and continued to smile at the man, who she considered the father figure she never had.

Suddenly, a colourful blur ran into Hotch's office murmuring something along the lines of _"this is bad, this is bad, this is very bad!"_

Derek gestured towards the office, where he could see Hotch and Garcia nodding as they both scanned their eyes over a thick case file. "Looks like our time off has officially come to an end."

The others glanced up at the window and could see their Unit Chief rub his tired eyes. His brow was furrowed and the stoic expression that was always on his face remained intact. His hand moved to scratch his chin. Even from where they sat in the bullpen, they could sense that this case was going to be a tough one. Each agent began guessing what they could possibly be dealing with;

"Maybe it's an LDSK – we haven't had one of those in a while, and Hotch is probably worrying about the lack of evidence they have for us to work from," Morgan suggested.

"Hmmm, maybe a serial arsonist? Those cases are always hard," Emily followed suit with her guess.

JJ shifted uncomfortably. She recalled the case in Los Angeles that the BAU had investigated a few months back. A frown crossed her face as images of the burning warehouse and the two siblings she had tried desperately to save appeared in her mind. The terrified expression of the older girl, Francesca Morales, just moments before the building completely erupted in flames, still kept JJ up at night sometimes. She had chosen to save Francesca's younger brother first because he had reminded the blonde agent of her own son, Henry. The guilt still resurfaced every now and then in waves.

Rossi's comforting hand landed on JJ's shoulder, while another reached passed her and slapped a ten dollar bill onto her desk.

"My money is on a child abduction. I don't think I need to explain to you guys why," Rossi patted JJ's shoulder knowingly. Everyone on the team was well aware that Aaron and JJ found cases involving children incredibly difficult – especially those dealing with young boys. They saw their own kids in each and every victim, and never failed to return home exhausted. They felt defeated even if the Unsub had been successfully apprehended. The two agents could only think about the children whose lives they didn't quite manage to save. Their minds would only focus on the "what ifs".

"Okay my gorgeous humans, we have a case!"

"Fuck!" JJ blurted out before she could stop herself, clearly startled by the sudden appearance of Penelope behind her back. She blushed and her hands came to cover her face. Emily, Derek and Rossi laughed at the outburst, whereas Reid merely raised his eyebrows. JJ rarely cursed in front of them, but they had been told by Will that the "Pennsylvanian Petite" could curse like a sailor on occasion, especially when angry or upset.

"Geez Blondie, someone's a little jumpy today," Morgan stood up from his office chair and smiled widely, flashing his very white teeth. He took a step closer to Garcia;

"So what's the case, Baby Girl?"

"Well, my Chocolate Thunder, it's not good. I mean, it's bad – very bad. Not Jeffrey Dahmer, or Ted Bundy bad of course. Not that any serial killer is worse or better than another – just, uh, follow me my crime-fighters!"

The team, minus Hotch, shook their heads at their friend's short, comedic rant. Each one stood up from their desk and tidied their pile of papers and reports, before following her up the few steps and into the round table room. Garcia's pink heels clicked as she walked and echoed throughout the bullpen.

When everyone was seated in the round table room, all eyes moved to the screen in front of them, waiting for the horrible images to appear. Hotch hadn't appeared yet so the team continued to chat amongst themselves.

"Where's Dad?" Rossi jokingly asked, echoing a question Emily had asked years ago.

"Boss man is just making a call to Jessica to let her know that Jack will be staying with her tonight and – speak of the devil, here he is."

Hotch entered the room and nodded curtly at the team, before joining Garcia at the top of the room. The technical analyst took that as the cue to begin.

"Right my friends, we are heading to Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania." A quiet groan escaped JJ's lips and small, sympathetic smiles appeared on everyone's faces.

"Three people, all of various ages, races and backgrounds were all found outside different hospitals, clinics and medical centres within a 15 mile radius of East Allegheny, where all victims lived and worked."

JJ absentmindedly pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes. She could already feel a headache coming along. It could have been anywhere in Pennsylvania – let alone anywhere in Pittsburgh. But, of course if was just her luck that the BAU's first case back after Mr. Scratch was going to bring them right beside her hometown.

"East Allegheny is quite a small hunting ground. The school district itself is only about five square miles. The Unsub must be confident that he won't be caught." Reid mused, his brow furrowed. JJ nodded at everything Reid said. She remembered hating the small confines of the neighbourhoods she grew up in.

"The dump site – hospitals and clinics – could mean that this guy thinks that these victims can't, or couldn't have been saved. It's almost like he, or she, is taunting the hospital workers," Emily proposed.

"Cause of death?" Morgan asked, still scanning the information on the tablet in front of him.

"Well, Dark Chocolate, that's where it gets slightly tricky. According to the post mortem, all victims had a different cause of death."

She pressed a button on the remote in her hands and images appeared on the screen of a young, brunette woman.

"Shelby Connolly, twenty-eight year old caucasian woman. She worked at a small café as a waitress, and lived with her wife, Alison, who is expecting a baby girl in just two months. She was found dead outside Allegheny General Hospital exactly three weeks ago when the night staff were leaving to go to their cars. She was reported missing by her wife two weeks prior. She had no signs of injury or sexual assault, aside from some faint ligature marks on her ankles-"

"The post mortem report reads that the cause of death was hypothermia. If Shelby Connolly had ligature marks, it's unlikely that she was kept outside and it's nearing summer too. The temperature is most likely over seventy degrees Fahrenheit." Reid spoke out loud, not directing his thoughts at anyone in particular.

"That's right Boy Genius. It's unsure how she developed hypothermia. If it wasn't for the ligature marks or the dump site, Pittsburgh PD wouldn't have linked her death to the other three victims. Speaking of which," she paused to press the button on the remote again and gestured behind her to pictures of a middle-aged black man.

"Jonathon Michaels, forty-six year old African-American male. He worked as an independent lawyer for his own company and was married to his wife, Jeanette. They had two young kids together, Rachel and Justin. He was found dead outside a Drug Addiction Rehab centre nine days after Shelby was discovered, exactly fifteen miles from his house in East Allegheny. No missing person's report was filed because he was supposed to be away from home for multiple business meetings that week. He was also found by staff who worked at the centre at approximately 7am that morning. Michaels also had some ligature marks on his ankles, but no other obvious signs of injury or sexual assault. However the cause of death this time was a drug overdose of Hydromorphone, also known as-"

"Dilaudid." finished Spencer, whose mouth formed a tight line.

Garcia smiled weakly at the younger man, her eyes filled with sympathy; "exactly."

"The fact that Michaels had a wife rules out the possibility that this is a hate crime against the LGBT+ community, unless of course he was still in the closet before he was killed," JJ spoke for the first time since the team sat down. The team nodded in aggreance.

"That's right my blonde butterfly. I've already checked his social media profiles, looked for any signs of LGBT+ friendly dating app accounts, and I also searched his credit card statements. But, nada! There is no evidence that Michaels was hiding his true sexuality. Him and his wife seemed very content. They celebrated their twentieth wedding anniversary last month," Garcia confirmed JJ's statement.

"Okay, em, victim number three."

Pictures of a blonde, teenage girl flashed onto the monitor.

"Jessica Ross, sixteen year old caucasian female. She attended East Allegheny High School, and played for their soccer team. She also helped to coach the Little League's softball team on the weekends."

JJ's eyes widened and she let out an extended breath. This girl reminded her so much of herself; blonde, petite, attended EA High school, played soccer. _Focus Jareau._ JJ criticised herself for letting her mind wander.

"...found outside the Emergency room at UPMC Shady-side Emergency Department last Wednesday, approx. eleven miles from where she lived with her mother and older brother in East Allegheny. She was reported missing by her older brother, Matthew, a week before her death. She died from blunt force trauma to her head, and there was moderate to severe bruising on her stomach, neck and thighs, most likely from a fist. There was – thank God – no sign of sexual assault. This time, it was paramedics who found her. They were just exiting the building to respond to a 911 call. They quickly alerted the doctors inside, however Jessica was pronounced dead on the scene."

"Okay, so this Unsub clearly is not afraid of injuring, or killing minors. His MO is rapidly changing. The only thing that is consistent is the type of dumpsite, the hunting ground, and the staff who stumbled upon their bodies," Rossi recounted all of the information they had.

"Oh guys, there's two more things."

All eyes turned to look at Garcia.

"All victims were found wearing a white hospital gown with mint green polka dots, and, lodged at the top of their throats was – what appears to be – crumpled up, typed notes. The same thing was said on each one."

"_I am sorry for everything it did to you._

_You are better off now."_

Hotch read the note aloud the minute it appeared on his tablet screen. He looked up from the close-up pictures of the notes and examined the look on everyone's faces. Emily and Morgan were still reading all of the information on their tablets, clearly mulling over the new information. Rossi's brow was furrowed and his hand stroked his short beard. He thought about how rare it was to encounter a case with an Unsub diverse as this one. Whoever this person was, he or she was capable of being extremely violent, or refraining from injuring his victims at all.

Hotch's gaze then gravitated towards JJ. His eyes softened as he observed the anxious look on the younger woman's face. She bit her lip and twirled a lock of her golden hair around her finger, and her leg bounced rhythmically under the table, releasing some of her pent-up nervous energy. He knew how much she hated working any case near her home town. She was afraid of running into a person she knew, of being questioned about her sister, and most importantly, of being reminded of horrible memories of her childhood. From what Hotch could tell, there were many memories that his friend had shoved down, never to be revisited again – or so JJ thought.

Hotch blinked and brought himself back to the present. He cleared his throat in order to capture the team's attention once more.

"We have a lot to discuss on the jet. Make sure you have everything you need because I have feeling that we're going to be in Pittsburgh for a while."

He pressed the "lock" button on his tablet and began to walk out of the room, before turning around and saying the famous last words;

"Wheels up in thirty."

* * *

**Please favourite, follow and review! It means a lot :D**


End file.
